Yesterday I read an article on privacy and navigating on social online networks that inspired me. A single woman in New York argued that social online networks can uphold her privacy and also make her be transparent for her close ones, by setting up her own rules. I am not going into details about how she does it but will refer to the article her. (Click on link).
Now, I am a single woman, and in my job, my studies and in my lifestyle, social online networks is intertwined and just a neccessary, important, useful and fun tool. It is such a huge, integrated part of my life, that I can be in complete shock, when I stumble across people who never have used social online networks, and doesnt think it can benefit their life. It is indeed a culture shock for me. So I thought I would spend some time today and blog about how social online networks are intertwined in my life, how I have benefited from it, and even some arguments that, granted - can be a bit of extreme and a little bit "too much"- about how it is hard for me to become friends with people that are not online.Last night I took a long walk in the park. And as usual, I brought my phone, to catch up on a few phonecalls. (This doesnt mean that I dont like to plug out every once in a while, but I enjoy multitasking and I find it a very good timesaver to talk on the phone, while doing other tasks. Like travelling across the city, doing the dishes, cleaning, taking a walk etc.) Last week and the beginning of this week I faced some difficult emotional challenges and decisions, so a walk and a breather was in order for me. I was on the phone with Christine talking about whether I should embark on a new friendship with someone, when I suddently heard myself say: "I have decided not to befriend that person, when X said that X doesn't use Facebook or social online networks in general". This sounds so harsh. But I have to say - I mean it. And here is the reason why:
I am blessed with a lot of friends. I do not, never will I, take it for granted. And I have room for more. However, I use Facebook to stay in touch with my friends. The ones I am closest to, I mainly talk to on the phone and text with, but I use Facebook to stay in touch with my broader circles. I spend time doing this, and I find it very beneficial and rewarding. To embark on a new friendship by retro emailing requires a lot of constructing time and ultimately time that I use to talk to all my other friends. And I dont want to compromise. I have one childhood friend that has been my email penpal for three years, and we write long letters when we can - it isnt often, because it requires time and effort - and that doesnt come often when you are a single woman busy in the city. Sending messages, reading, commenting and liking status updates are an easy and quick way to stay in touch. I have found this extemely rewarding:
Through Facebook I have gotten to know people. Some I have met online first, then in real life afterwards, and through Facebook a friendship has deepened. Some of my Facebook friends I have met briefly offline first, then become friends on Facebook and through Facebook, a friendship has grown. I do not accept friend requests on Facebook from people that I dont interact with in some way and have a mutual frame of private reference - either be the past, interests etc. I keep up with my privacy settings and have divided all my friends into lists of how open and available my Facebook page is to them. I rarely remove friends unless there is a clear cut reason why, such as private reasons, and have only blocked a person, once.
A longtime friend of mine, Christie, often tells me: "Martine, you have so many friends. And you meet people in your travels around the world - and somehow you stay friends with them." - Thats because of Facebook. Before Facebook I used MySpace to stay in touch. Before MySpace I used msn messenger. And I frequently sent out newsletters on emails. (Which I now use this blog for instead). But a lot of old friends I got reconnected with on Facebook, and I love it.
Ironically, and you may have picked up on it, when I briefly mentioned it earlier, some of my friends, that I stay absolutely closest to, I do not converse with on Facebook. But that is because I talk to them often on phone (hence the dishwashing and walking), and see them all the time during the week. I guess there is a difference between maintaining a close friendship, and embarking on or growing a friendship.
I have gained a deeper friendship with people on Facebook. Through liking, then commenting on status updates, then messenging, then chatting, ultimately - hanging out online to hanging out offline.
When you have a big network, Facebook is a good way to briefly touch up on several people at once. I also use social online networks for networking professionally. Through my work at Atcore, it is important to network and connect with other people working in online marketing. I mostly use Twitter and Google+ for that. I have also spent many years in the book business, I network mostly on Twitter with this group, and it is fun to get to know, converse and network through that. Through my studies it is really practical to navigate on social online networks, because my classmates and I recommend books, articles or websites to eachother. We vent on things we dont like, we organize demonstrations, partition signings, we chat and message eachother as a group. Through social online networks I have been in contact with professors and researches that have sent me articles and papers, they have written, they have not yet released. Simply because I needed it for my research, and I wasnt afraid to ask. And I knew of the existence of said research and papers because I was networking with them on social online networks.Jobwise I stay connected on Facebook and Twitter with old colleagues, new colleagues and network with people with similar interests. Because of this I have reaped many benefits, privately and professionally. Moving in and living in my wonderful apartment is just one of them.
And then I use social online networks to play games. I am not talking about Farmville. I am talking about games such as Foursquare and Words With Friends. Foursquare is a geolocated social online network where you can check yourself in on your smartphone, so people can see where you are offline. Negative voices call it, extreme selfpresentation and narcissism. I call it a game. You collect points when checking in, and you can become mayor of a place and steal mayorships from eachother. That is a huge reason why I use Foursquare. For me it is an ongoing game that I play with 40 widely spreadout friends crossing several networks. And then there is the nerdy scrabble game Words With Friends. A game can last a very long time, because you log in, do your thing, log out, and wait for your partners turn. For three weeks I had an ongoing game with my best friend in Alabama, Laura. Time and distance didn't matter. She suddenly seemed very near, like she was in the room with me, because we were interacting in a new way.
And then there is Skype, videochat and social hangouts on Facebook and Google+. In just a click of a button, you can see and interact with one or more friends across the world. And you can almost imitate being in a room together. At christmas I was talking to a friend from the US on Skype and we decided to cook together. So I set up my computer in my kitchen, he set his up in his kitchen and we cooked together. At one point he or I would stop the thing, we were doing and look at the screen and say: "So what did you just put in the pot?"
People tend to approach me and say: "I just can't figure it out. Facebook changes all the time. Can you help me with the new privacy settings, group settings etc? Should I accept the invite I just received from Google+? Would should I spend time on Twitter, isnt it just a narcissistic blabbermouth function?" I spend a lot of time with Facebook, Twitter etc. and keeping myself on my toes to look out for changes, how do you approach the networks and how is it most beneficial to me and my daily life with friends, networking, research, tasks on my job, studies, my overall lifestyle and balancing privacy in it all. I dont judge those who doesn't spend time figuring out privacy settings, or how conversing on Twitter can bring your life quality in some way. I don't judge because I realize, it is a matter of interest, my research and my job. What I do believe matters, if we are friends and you want my help, is that you are there to connect. You have a presence in some way. And yes I will help you. Thanks for connecting with me on social online networks, and being my friend.
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